tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post2994156524035636701..comments2023-12-06T14:39:25.446+05:30Comments on of this and that: On CSA- a brief notedipalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01070862196307376073noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-84511845038050339982011-04-30T18:24:19.782+05:302011-04-30T18:24:19.782+05:30@m4: I wonder if the molesters tune out what they ...@m4: I wonder if the molesters tune out what they have done, and resume 'normal', decent lives. Some of them, I believe, spend hours praying, apparently forgetting the preying aspects of their nature. Strange beasts indeed.dipalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01070862196307376073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-86858386384810121502011-04-25T08:15:48.637+05:302011-04-25T08:15:48.637+05:30I hope that man suffers in great pain.
You know, ...I hope that man suffers in great pain.<br /><br />You know, it's not easy telling a parent something like this, especially when you're older and are 'supposed to know better'. I can't quite explain why it is, it just is...<br /><br />For me, this line is what has me stumped too -- "How do we successfully protect our children's innocence without making them fundamentally suspicious of everyone?"Mamma mia! Me a mamma?https://www.blogger.com/profile/04136269509737254271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-77283338001562704012011-04-24T13:56:07.397+05:302011-04-24T13:56:07.397+05:30@IHM: Yes, that is the biggest tragedy and the big...@IHM: Yes, that is the biggest tragedy and the biggest betrayal, our ability to behave like ostriches:(<br />Making sure that our children feel confident that they will be heard and appropriate action taken is probably the most important thing to do; abusers seem to slime under the radar of fairly vigilant parents:(dipalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01070862196307376073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-78304061039554055222011-04-21T13:59:47.098+05:302011-04-21T13:59:47.098+05:30So true! "one cannot be friends with both the...So true! "one cannot be friends with both the victim and the perpetrator" - I think most parents, unbelievably, try to remain friends with the perpetrator... <br /><br />@Starry I agree, children can't be kept safer simply by being kept inside the house, gaining the child's confidence and awareness and empowerment is a better idea.Indian Home Makerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10649133480442907582noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-25361938656091511442011-04-20T19:55:19.191+05:302011-04-20T19:55:19.191+05:30@Sukanya: Yes, what emerges here is how important ...@Sukanya: Yes, what emerges here is how important it is for our children to be able to communicate with us and for us to respect the trust with which they tell us things, however unsavoury they may be.<br />@Sanand: Yes, we do worry about our kids, but we must also continue to enjoy them and not be consumed with anxiety. Let not our awareness of danger corrode all our relationships either. I am most honoured that you are giving me an award and will collect it soon! Thank you.dipalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01070862196307376073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-77500792195826385722011-04-19T08:45:53.619+05:302011-04-19T08:45:53.619+05:30As a parent, I understand how these real stories f...As a parent, I understand how these real stories freak us out. I too have a son, whose safety I worry about all the time. This post was very touching. It resonates with many of us. Please collect your Award on my Blog.Sanandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03817075206507824479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-77296036126165195472011-04-14T18:13:02.936+05:302011-04-14T18:13:02.936+05:30it is sad that the perpetrator is always someone w...it is sad that the perpetrator is always someone we know....<br />i suffered, you have read my story and commented, thank you. i have come a long way since then and its not something that i think about everyday...i moved on but now that i am mom, i am somewhat paranoid about the saftey of my kids. <br />as parents we need to talk to her kids, help them understand how unsafe and untrusting some people can be. thank you for this post.sukanyahttp://sukanyabora.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-1235075591590250942011-04-13T11:48:38.852+05:302011-04-13T11:48:38.852+05:30@Cuckoo: Yes, we need to be willing to make that c...@Cuckoo: Yes, we need to be willing to make that choice, with or without confrontation- preferably an outright parting of ways with reasons spelled out, or a more subtle, unspoken distancing. Anything to ensure the child knows that he/she is far more important to us than the perpetrator.dipalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01070862196307376073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-85520795796856932202011-04-13T11:16:42.323+05:302011-04-13T11:16:42.323+05:30I especially agree with the note. Its a matter of ...I especially agree with the note. Its a matter of choice and fundamentally the child should feel that he/she is more important than any 'friend' that their parents could have.Cuckoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13697563902061372977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-69113086106611404372011-04-13T10:01:32.806+05:302011-04-13T10:01:32.806+05:30@Indian in NZ: There will come a time when childre...@Indian in NZ: There will come a time when children will keep secrets from their parents. There are also many things that we keep private from our children. What we need to empower them with is the knowledge that they can come to us with any kind of problem and we will do our best to help them deal with it.<br />@Passionate Goof: Yes, the sheer effrontery of some molesters is amazing. He did get his comeuppance, though- was asked to resign because of a suspected financial irregularity. <br />@Sue: They may not want to sully their hands by giving him the several tight slaps he deserves!<br />@Rohini: So many wolves in sheep's clothing:(<br />@Uma: I think they were strong and secure enough to not be traumatised for too long. It was only mentioned to me in passing, several years later.<br />@CSA Awareness: It's been traumatic reading about far worse incidents. I had written an idealised story about this incident many years ago which I will post later on.<br />@Boo: How old were you, and who was the perpetrator? A young child can get terribly confused, and stay quiet in order to avoid further trouble:(<br />@Sur: Exactly. It didn't scar them, nor did it overshadow their lives in any way, especially since they were fairly grown up at the time. It was probably a few degrees more upsetting than street sexual abuse, which, sadly, most Indian women have learn to deal with.<br />Yes, Starry's point is most valid. Our children need to believe in us.dipalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01070862196307376073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-54459916873546551352011-04-13T07:50:40.062+05:302011-04-13T07:50:40.062+05:30@starry eyed - what you are saying is amongst the ...@starry eyed - what you are saying is amongst the most important point to be made in our discussions on child sexual abuse.SUR NOTEShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08928284426760382839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-89413094316624404202011-04-13T07:47:09.797+05:302011-04-13T07:47:09.797+05:30Dipali: For me the important thing is how your gir...Dipali: For me the important thing is how your girls understood those incidents - they were obviously not scarred by it and probably only felt loathing for the man in question. That is the only role for parents, to provide that confidence and sense of self, so that such incidents are understood as the actions of a person preying on them, not as actions provoked by the child. <br />It is not possible, or desirable for us, as parents to hover around the child all the time. "Better safe, than sorry", is a maxim that has to be followed with a generous pinch of salt.<br />I have written about an incident with a neighbour that I went through. My mother said is if you were uncomfortable with the "game" you just have to refuse and walk away. She never made me feel that the inappropriate touch was the worst thing to happen to me, nor did she forbid me from going to other neighbours houses unescorted.I remember feeling reassured that just because the neighbour was older did not mean that he was right.SUR NOTEShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08928284426760382839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-14484870778761351162011-04-13T02:44:45.696+05:302011-04-13T02:44:45.696+05:30Communication is the key! True. But I still have n...Communication is the key! True. But I still have no answers as to why I did nt tell my mom in spite of being very open to her about everything under the sun. Why children feel such a shame when they are abused I wonder!B o o.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-77666611841949369832011-04-13T01:19:07.163+05:302011-04-13T01:19:07.163+05:30Thanks for your account, Dipali. It is important t...Thanks for your account, Dipali. It is important to know the parents' perspectives as well. *hugs*Team CSAAMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07602482616286115723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-32539728209223243102011-04-12T18:37:21.927+05:302011-04-12T18:37:21.927+05:30Oh dear....both the girls didnt share it with you ...Oh dear....both the girls didnt share it with you ??? Its heart-breaking to hear a story from a mother abt her daughters. I dont know how u handled - I am totally getting shattered here, as a mother of two teenagers.UmaShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17722531345534341610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-25540544126837482872011-04-12T12:56:34.596+05:302011-04-12T12:56:34.596+05:30The number of these sickos is just frightening. Th...The number of these sickos is just frightening. They seem to be everywhere :(Rohinihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11234347487003665907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-32440579260882008842011-04-12T11:51:35.457+05:302011-04-12T11:51:35.457+05:30I bet the girls would love to go hand out some pun...I bet the girls would love to go hand out some punishment to the man today. Wish I could join them.<br /><br />My mother kept me safe while I was around her but she couldn't keep me around her. So, yes, confidence and awareness.Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10819608939555247317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-11377741142178051792011-04-12T08:27:22.728+05:302011-04-12T08:27:22.728+05:30I am shocked by what I am reading on the CSAA blog...I am shocked by what I am reading on the CSAA blog. Its scary really. And how to maintain a balance, being safe without being paranoid, is something even i am trying to figure out. Its a scary world out there really.<br /> <br />And the cheek of that man to misbehave with your daughters. He should be buried alive. Good thing the girls stayed strong, and have turned out to be smart, bold women.Passionate Goofhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08696886799957975404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-50897996696474094402011-04-11T09:08:35.157+05:302011-04-11T09:08:35.157+05:30Yes Dipali, agree with Starry. Talk about it with ...Yes Dipali, agree with Starry. Talk about it with your children and let them know that they have to report any such things immediately to you doesn't matter who the perpetrator is. Sometimes the child may think its a one off incident and not that important to worry your parents about. I keep talking to my children about how important it is not to keep secrets from me and I keep praying that they never have to face it.<br />Also we have to teach them what to do at that time when/if they find themselves in these sick situationsIndian in NZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11775633461738007949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-52499921996961888042011-04-10T21:38:42.933+05:302011-04-10T21:38:42.933+05:30Yes, brazen is the word.
'It's awareness ...Yes, brazen is the word.<br /><br />'It's awareness and empowerment and the child's confidence in his/her parents that's a better strategy'.<br /><br />Absolutely, Starry.dipalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01070862196307376073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6089956061483501286.post-22379514708442710082011-04-10T21:26:06.605+05:302011-04-10T21:26:06.605+05:30What I'm getting from reading all the survivor...What I'm getting from reading all the survivor stories, is that often CSA is perpetrated on the child in his/her OWN home or in homes of trusted family and friends by well-known adults and teenagers. Even sometimes, with the parent or sibling right in the next room, the pedophiles have brazenly struck. And so it's ironical that we parents get freaked out about strangers or our kids' outings away from home. <br /><br />So trying to protect the child by keeping him or her home and with the parents as much as possible doesn't work to keep them safe, at all. It's awareness and empowerment and the child's confidence in his/her parents that's a better strategy.starry eyedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02821016011330573083noreply@blogger.com