23rd January
Sparrows chirping
On my 7th floor balcony
Audible before they are visible
Joyful sight and sound!
26th January
82nd Anniversary
Are you together in the afterlife?
Or have you been reborn, separately or together?
So very young when you started
Your journey together
A journey full of joy and sorrow,
Big adventures and small
The humdrum, the mundane,
Sweetness, care, cherishing
Each other, squabbling often,
(Or so it seemed to us children).
Wherever you may be, you live on
In my memories.
7th February
This morning
A lazy sun rising.
clouds doodling
In the sky
A big mug of tea
In the balcony
For now, heaven
Gratitude
15th February
So ephemeral
These perfect days
Of spring in the NCR
Fleeting clouds
In a blue sky,
The sun still kind
A little protection required
From morning and evening chill,
No fans, no airconditioners,
No heaters, but geysers, still.
The air purifiers read well
Flowers abloom, birds singing
Joy in the air,
Jars of kanji, and the last
Of the winter pickles
Being made and consumed
Much gratitude.
22nd February
I hear you each morning
From the floor up above
A joy to see and hear you
As you sing an ode to love
Mr. & Mrs. Sparrow
Chirp on...
23rd February
Little hen sparrow
Perched on
Bougainvillea branch
Chirping away
A joy to see, and hear,
Through the kitchen door.
A fat pigeon strolls by,
Outside the railing.
She is silent until it passes,
Then starts chirping again.
Sukoon.
28th February
New tenants,
And rather noisy ones
In our front balcony.
After he removed the Diwali lights
The electrician left
the ceiling fitting loose,
untidy, just big enough
For this chirping pair
Looking to nest
In springtime
Their cheerful chirps
A benediction
They had visitors too,
This morning, a whole bunch
of sparrows, it sounded like,
Chirping away to glory.
Glory indeed,
Our very own sparrows!
2nd March
The utter sweetness of the song
of the bulbul on my balcony.
of the bulbul on my balcony.
7th March
The spouse's phone needed
A battery change,
An hour or so was required.
The boy at our local mobile shop
promised to deliver it at home
I enter my number in his phone
And give myself a missed call.
To my utter delight, his name
pops up as 'Business Tycoon!'
10th March
This year I spot
Hollyhocks on the highway
That takes me home
(Only on the eastern side),
A few random stands of hollyhocks
Pale pinks, purples, whites,
Interspersed between the trees,
Slightly lost looking,
without a wall backing them,
Beautiful yet incongruous,
To my eyes, at least.
The central verges are a brilliant gold,
With trumpet trees and shrubs abloom.
Richly red, cascading bougainvillea
Adorn a western verge!
The magic of the Expressway
especially for the non-driver!
16th March
Dear little bulbul,
I heard your sweet song
and stepped out to look for you
At first glance, invisible.
And then I see you,
With your merry little hat
Perched on the parapet
Below the balcony railing
But then, alas, you flew away.
Next time I hear you I will be content
To simply listen to your sweet song.
22nd March
The sofa cushions
Standing on their points,
Their toes, perhaps,
Reflect my helper's aesthetic
(and that of the one in Kolkata
So many years ago).
I wait for her to leave
Each morning
Before I put them down
In the more relaxed position
That I prefer.
Some days I don't bother.
A tiny tolerance in a cruel world.
24th March
I wake up
to the clip-clop of horses
And I wonder where I am.
Our home faces the garden
Not the colony road
(which horses never enter)
and the bed is mine
I am not in Krakaw, or Vienna, or Prague,
With horse-drawn carriages
clipclopping on the road
in the touristy places
we saw last summer...
I surface from the depths of sleep
It's the group of elderly men
rhythmically clapping their hands
As they do each morning...
March 31st
Champa flowers
Snowflakes
on bare branches
Almost leafless...
It is springtime,
and flowers must bloom.
The leaves can take their own time.
5th April
Lunchtime
The long restaurant adjoins a garden
The garden adjoins a water body
A noisy toddler is taken out into the garden
And runs up and down the length of it,
Nonstop,
Exhausting, serially, three adults and a teenager, until it's time to eat.
8th April
I often wonder
If we travel
for the sheer joy
Of coming home?
Our holiday in the hills
Was wonderful indeed
And we had a good break
From the daily-ness of our lives
But, the morning air is still cool,
And the trees here are my friends
In that I know their names,
And I can introduce them to you!
The neem, the bearded palms,
the pilkhan, with its coppery new leaves,
The karanj leaves crunching
On our urban forest floor,
The blooming oleander bush,
The madhumalti flowers
Cascading down their vine,
The grey cat, the grubby tiles,
The bed that knows
the contours of my back,
(And, of course, my squishy pillow)
All tell me that I am home..
29th April
Gulmohar in Bloom
This summer
In this glorious red
I see the blood
of innocents
2nd May
Rainy morning, after a stormy night.
The bougainvillea pot tumbled over
A small syngonium fell out of its pot
The power kept tripping
Our yoga class got cancelled
I had my tea in the cool balcony
Where I sit now,
After settling the plants
I bring out my book,
As the newspaper pages
Flap around in the breeze
The clouds are still thundering
It's raining still
Joy, this lazy morning...
5th May
First swim
Of this summer
A glorious empty pool
A clear blue sky
A cool breeze
The shower feels cold
As does the first dip,
Soon comforting,
velvety water.
The waterfall gives
A wonderful, pounding massage
To neck and shoulders.
I swim a few lengths,
Slowly, mindfully
A joy indeed
Grateful
For this privilege
19th May
The Reality of Memory
A conversation about cycling,
last night, with my son
Reminded me of the time
In Lucknow, a lifetime ago
When I used to cycle for miles, sometimes across the main road to HAL colony,
at times till Gomti Nagar!
Perhaps not often, perhaps not regularly,
But cycle I did...
But did I? No one else
In my family seems to remember
These escapades of mine,
My early morning secret life!
Did the tree fall in the forest if no one heard it fall?
I feel like that tree!!!
27th May
Shiny blue black
dragonfly
Hovering above
dragonfly
Hovering above
A bonus backstroke joy!
3rd June
Here stood the neem tree
Tall and leafy,
bearing tiny bitter fruit
I remember my brother daring me
To eat one, on a walk in Lodhi Gardens
A lifetime ago.
I did.
The bitterness was unforgettable.
There are many neem trees
But I miss this one:
Tall and beautiful
Until Sunday afternoon
When it was felled by the storm
now existing only in memory,
As does my brother,
Who left us bereft
Many years ago.
4th June
Fifteen years today:
Memories of a smiling,
gentle visage, soft spoken
appreciative of Life:
literature, music, movies
theatre, food, especially
my mother's cooking,
Sarees: he bought exquisite ones for her when he toured the country.
Fruit, mangoes, melons, homemade pickles that he helped process,
The sharpest green chillies,
a challenge he shared!
Laughter, little me perched
On his strong shoulders,
Walking with him,
my small hand ensconced safely in his big warm palm.
The books we shared,
the places he travelled
The pleasure he took in Google searches, our final arbiter in any factual dispute we had...
The frailty of the last few years
His stoicism in the face of pain, helplessness,
Unbearable loss
His unconquerable spirit
Still bring tears to my eyes
You live on, Daddy, within me.
You always will...
13th June
There's a strong wind blowing
The clothes pegs do their utmost
To keep the clothes safe
I have triple-pegged the sheets
Against the powerful wind.
But the wind cannot blow away
The clouds of grief that encompass us
Mere witnesses of the tragedies that unfold
Every day, each seeming worse than the other
All our tragic losses, to our eyes at least,
Grieve us for a while, until we move on,
As we must, in order to survive
We pray for strength, for courage, for peace,
For all who face the vicissitudes of this life,
And to always find a sliver of hope, somewhere.
Is Someone listening?
18th June
ATM visit
I thought I had more money in my bank account
Than what I asked for at the ATM this morning
It said sorry, insufficient funds in your account.
I felt like apologising to it for the trouble,
As I withdrew a smaller amount!
27th June
How bitter is bitter?
Try a nimboli.
Unforgettable.
2nd July
Babbler on the bike
A babbler hops onto a motorcycle mirror
Peering, puzzled, pecking
At its own reflection
Then hops down onto the bike,
Peers up at the mirror, pecks at it,
Several times,
On the mirror, looking down, peck
On the bike, looking up, peck
Again and again...
Confused, until it gives up and flies away
This world is strange indeed!
4th July
Morning scene
Little fellow's bag
Almost as big as him!
School bags, timetables,
Uniforms, homework,
lunch boxes, water bottles
Long gone, for both me
And my children...
Time passes.
Thank goodness
That it does!
23rd July
Dark clouds all morning
We had our yoga class.
(Sir did not bunk, which he does
Once in a while, annoying when
You are ready for class
And he's a no-show,
Or he messages when I have
Already made our tea,
And woken up the spouse).
I go down for a walk,
enjoying the breeze
And the beautiful clouds
Dark with the promise of rain...
I walk for barely ten minutes
When it starts, a few mere drops
Which quickly turn into a downpour
I walk slowly home, savouring the rain,
No puddles to splash in,
but the benediction of water,
Cleansing and cooling,
With the happy knowledge
Of towels and dry clothes
Awaiting me at home.
27th July
This afternoon, post-siesta,
The spouse thought of watching
the cricket test match,
Only to discover that the TV
wasn't functioning.
It has been sent for repairs,
So this evening we are enjoying
Lovely random songs on Bose ji,
whatever the YouTube playlist contains
Songs long forgotten
And still so magical!
30th July
A plant with a mind of its own
The jade
Mostly cascades
To the ground
Some tries
To reach the sky
Why?
7th August
Beautiful sunshine
After several gloomy days
Bed linen drying
in the sunny breeze
The drier enjoying a break
It is usually just a comforting back up,
Rarely used, except when it rains.
I was missing the crisp smell
Of sun dried laundry.
Today's happiness!
26th August
This morning two gods played
Up in the sky, messing around
With shower taps and fan regulators
Vayu's fan remained on, at varying speeds
A strong wind, now a gentle breeze
The palm fronds danced,
the plants all swayed
And as I walked, I was sprayed
With the finest of fine droplets
Nanhi nanhi boondaniyan
As Saigal Sahib sang
Then fatter drops, I almost ran
home, but then the drops thinned out again
And this went on...
A walk witnessing divine play
A joyful start to yet another day.
8th September
A perfect sky
A sunny day
Cottony clouds
On my way
Transient
As all perfection is
I enjoy this little dose
of bliss
15th September
The milkman
One of the few who come
To our housing society
To deliver fresh milk from
Large cans affixed to their
motorcycles
Does not supply me
With milk, I buy packet milk
As and when required
And yet he provides me,
And many others like me
A daily dose of good cheer
With his warm and friendly
greeting of Radhey Radhey
to whomsoever
He encounters.
I respond with a cheerful smile,
and a Radhey Radhey, Bhaiyya
While conjuring up
a mythical mindscape
As I walk on
Of Vrindavan, with cows and cowherds,
Radha and Krishna, the gopis, the gwalas,
The butter stealing child Krishna
And his pranks,
And I am grateful.
19th September
Childhood memories
Evoked at the sight of these
Bristly plants that have
Sprung up in the hedge.
We would throw them at each other,
My sister and I,
They would stick to our clothes
And we would make bowls,
baskets, and bristly,
prickly bracelets
and wear them
Until our wrists itched.
28th September
We finally conceded defeat
To the five (damn) pigeons
For whom our bedroom balcony
Was their bedroom (the top of the a/c)
And playground: they would sweetly swing on the overhead laundry stand,
While pooping freely everywhere.
The balcony chairs were kept indoors
And our laundered clothes
Were endangered by these poop machines.
Have they found a new home, I wonder,
Feeling both smug and a little sad.
And then, in the drawing room balcony,
the sparrows cheeped and cheered me, while a vengeful pigeon
tugged at a bougainvillea leaf...
30th September
A sultry, sweltering September
comes to an end
with a strong, cool wind
blowing, blustering along
Followed by heavy rain.
Let's see what October brings!
4th October
October remains hot and humid
but the silk floss tells me
That the season has changed...
16th October
I cannot remember
When I last saw my mother
Wear this beautiful Kota saree
She's been gone these fifteen years
And for years before that
She mostly wore house coats
Easier to manage
while she took care of my father
With the utmost devotion.
I might have worn it a couple of times
But, much as I loved it, it wasn’t me.
A couple of months ago,
I offered it to my aunt,
My beloved Chachi,
One of my favourite people
In the whole wide world
Whom I would like to grow up to be
And she happily accepted it.
She lives very far away, but came over
Wearing, oh so gracefully,
My mother's saree, especially for me.
So very grateful to have her in my life...
28th October
The mysteries and magic of time
passing in so many different ways
The daily moments broken up into mundane tasks
Filling drinking water every morning, then watering the plants, walk, yoga, chai, meals, cooking, laundry, maid, press wala dhobi, courier guys, newspapers (only occasionally, now), the infrequent 'outings', the comfort of home and its daily-ness.
Weeks broken by weekends, when perhaps we see our children, guests, I try to go for the weekly Satsang, which I look forward to, but mostly find myself dozing off, and then die of guilt, lunch, naps, no time to read the Sunday newspaper, which I love to read, and hope to read another day...
Months are measured in monthly expenses, visits to the ATM, in our medicine boxes, which need to be re-loaded every month, an irritating task as the different medicines are a different number of pills per strip, much calculation required!
The years gallop along at supersonic speed, it seems. How, you may ask. In the kitchen shelves, in the unopened packets of rice noodles, of spices, of instant soups, sauces that you bought only yesterday, but apparently yesterday was six years ago, if not more! Overcome by guilt I resolve not to buy stuff unless I specifically need it in the near future, as I load a garbage bag with 'dead', expired edibles, and take it sneakily down to the basement garbage bin, not wanting to be associated with this criminal waste!
Thus pass my days, weeks, months and years, at varying paces, in varying measures...
31st October
I think it rained last night
The air feels cleaner,
(the air purifiers also show
unbelievably good readings)
And I feel a flicker of hope,
A hope for breathable air.
Ahead of me walks my favourite
golden retriever, his furry tail
a joyful, waving flag.
I walk behind him, enjoying moments
of happiness in a wagging tail.
15th November
Two small bathroom joys,
Laughable, perhaps, but happy- making nonetheless:
Refilling the handwash soap dispenser before it completely runs out
And remembering to put in a fresh cake of bath soap in the dish
Before you go in for a bath
( And, additionally, soaking the dried scum off the dish beforehand).
Successful adulting, for once!
18th November
On turning seventy
Four words come to mind
Shukrana, mehr, barkat, mohabbat...
Gratitude, blessings, abundance, love
What more can I ask for?
My heart is full.
It's been a wonderful week.
I am truly thankful to each one of my family and friends who thought of me on this occasion, and especially to those who came, some from across the globe and some from across the country. Special thanks to my husband and children whose efforts and planning made this milestone birthday truly memorable.
22nd November
Seasons change
Shrunken balloons sunken
in a dry swimming pool
A strange carpet
On a rare sunny day...
3rd December
This season,
Whenever I see a blue sky,
I assume that the AQI
Is good enough for me to walk.
We live mostly indoors,
Breathing electrically purified air
Which lets me dare
To be outdoors for a while
The Euphorbia makes me smile
Its pencil like limbs
A graceful silhouette
Against a beautiful blue sky.
5th December
The happiness of finding
the missing white dinner plate
that had not been used
for a family lunch
a couple of weeks ago
because one person couldn't come.
I had counted and re-counted
the plates, wondering where it had
simply vanished.
If it had broken, my trusty help
would have come running to tell me
The spouse insisted that it had
broken earlier, nothing to worry about.
I got caught up in my life
and forgot to ask my helper.
Taking out a rimmed platter
to serve snacks to my guests
last evening from my crockery cupboard
I find the white plate beaming beneath it,
presumably having missed its mates
and happy to be found!
( I can anthropomorphise anything).
A helpful guest, post that luncheon,
had kept it where she thought it belonged,
but it lives in a different sideboard entirely!
If it hadn't been lost,
I would not have known
the joy of unexpected discovery.
Such is the fun of living, losing, finding!
17th December
Alu methi
Made with new potatoes
Scrubbed clean, not peeled
Chopped, cooked with
a simple tempering
of heeng and jeera
In mustard oil
Covered in generous handfuls
Of chopped fenugreek leaves
And, just for fun,
a chopped fresh fat red chilli.
Salt, a little chilli powder,
A dash of turmeric powder,
Covered and cooked on a low flame
Unimaginably delicious,
With roti, a mixed dal, little red radishes
And fresh red chilli chutney.
How generous is this season,
Despite the sad air...
22nd December
22nd December
My oldest cousin would have been 88 today,
Had she lived a few weeks longer.
I last met her in the hospital, the day before
she left this mortal coil.
Valiant, stubborn, beautiful, generous, fun,
Reserved, quiet, inward looking, an indepedent spirit
She tackled life on her own terms
I miss our conversations
I miss sitting on the moodha
In the corner of her kitchen,
Chatting while she cooked
And then we ate fresh hot food
at the little folding table
that was brought in when required
Her pickles were legendary
As were her mithais
Her trips down memory lane
Memories of a warm and loving home
Of wise elders, of kindness,
Of a husband who cared for her beliefs
Even as he practiced his own
(An incredibly handsome man,
who could be a child with children)
Illness took a sad toll on him,
And her, as she dedicated herself
for several years to his care,
until he left this world.
A home always immaculate
Her grandchildren's artworks
Almost organically displayed
Her children's daily calls
An inviolable constant.
From being in awe of her as a child
To finding in her a dear companion
With whom anything could be discussed,
Someone who found video calls
A good substitute for the visits
She could no longer make,
I miss those calls, those conversations,
her humour, her anger against injustice,
her abiding faith, her courage, her consideration
for everyone, the devotion she inspired
among those who came in contact with her: the building staff, her part time help...
I dreamed of her alive,
although I knew she had gone...
Please know that you were deeply loved, and will always be missed.
Happy birthday, dear Behenji
27th December
Good morning, Owl
Loading the washing machine
My peripheral vision glimpsed an owl
Which my brain told me
Must be the backside of a pigeon
With its tail up against the netting
I look again, and see this beauty
The day feels blessed
I tell the owl, looking at me
Unblinkingly,
That it is beautiful.
Whether or not it listens,
Or even cares for beauty
I have to speak my truth to it...
How often will I get to say
Good morning, beautiful owl?
