I dreamt, this morning,
that I'd had a fight with my mother
and she'd gone to stay
with my sister-in-law
(my husband's sister,
not my brother's wife).
And when I get back
from whereverI had to go to,
ready to apologise, and to hug her
I see her at home, sitting,
forlorn, thinner and paler than I've ever seen her
in a dull peachy beige saree,
her eyes bereft, and I know that she's a widow
which is really very strange,
as she predeceased my father
nearly four years ago..........
that I'd had a fight with my mother
and she'd gone to stay
with my sister-in-law
(my husband's sister,
not my brother's wife).
And when I get back
from whereverI had to go to,
ready to apologise, and to hug her
I see her at home, sitting,
forlorn, thinner and paler than I've ever seen her
in a dull peachy beige saree,
her eyes bereft, and I know that she's a widow
which is really very strange,
as she predeceased my father
nearly four years ago..........
Talk to her ... I've a feeling you need to either clear the air with her, and you're missing her. Write a letter, discussing the unfinished or pending things you need to discuss. Keep the letter near her photo. It will help.
ReplyDelete@Ritu: Thanks for the inputs- I must try this.
ReplyDeleteHugs Di.. I don't know what this means..I often have had dreams about my mom,and then realise that I was missing her..
ReplyDeleteHugs
@Trisha: I suppose the subconscious mind knows us far better than we know ourselves!You were so young when you lost your mother, I can imagine you missing her a great deal. I don't consciously miss my parents, but I suppose I must have wanted to tell her about our move here and various recent events in our lives!
ReplyDeleteYes,I am sure it must be that..you know how you sometimes reach for the phone,wanting to ring someone and then realize,there's no phone in heaven..:)
ReplyDeleteI hope you wrote to her,though.
Hugs
Dear Dipali,
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your posts for a while now and I never commented (shame, shame) but I felt compelled to type in the first things that came to my mind here.
From what I remember (and please do forgive me, if I am wrong), your mother passed away before you moved to Delhi? If she lived in your old house, she is still waiting for you at the old house and feeling, I don't know, left behind - maybe let her know she is welcome at your new place and that you will always carry her with you. I am sorry if I am not making much sense but I hope you get my mumbling. I read somewhere that the pyschic thought is the first one that comes to our mind before reason takes over - and something compelled me to type this out before I changed my mind.
Hugs,
Scarlett
@Trish: I haven't written to her yet, but I finally unpacked hers and Dad's photographs, and put them up in the guest room.
ReplyDelete@Scarlett: Thank you so much for writing to me. You made complete sense- as I replied to Trishna,above, I've finally put up my parents' photographs in the guest room. The hardest part of leaving our home in Kolkata was leaving my parent's room- it had seen much joy and sorrow, it was where they both passed away, within three and a half months of each other, and it was a room imbued with peace and their benign presence. Here we got so exhausted with getting the house up and running that we just stopped unpacking at one point, and still don't have any pictures up on the walls, but at least my folks are back in 'their' room! Thank you once again, and do keep in touch.