Saturday, May 16, 2015

An Unimaginable Shock

My sister passed away very suddenly on the 25th April. 
She had called me just a few hours before that.
I am still trying to come to terms with this strange new world in which she longer exists, 
her absence a huge gaping void.

From a childhood of having her as an additional mother figure,
who plaited my hair tight, and ironed our school uniforms,
( the two years between us seemed insurmountable:
she'll always be two years older than me, I'd wail,
at her bossiness, at the special privileges she had)
an illustrious role model in our school,
where she was an avid sportswoman, athlete, all-rounder,
the head girl of our school
(almost to the point where I resented her
for practically defining my identity)
to our lives diverging through college
(different streams, different campuses)
and marriage, different cities and countries,
our lives' trajectories taking us far away from each other

And yet, always there for me
Sewing clothes for my babies, giver of many gifts,
taking us around her beloved city,
visiting mine......

Being a rock solid support during our parents' last few months
and years, there whenever I needed her.......

I suppose God knew what he was doing 
when we were inspired to move back to the capital.
Even though we lived at different ends of the city,
At least we were in the same place, 
(meeting occasionally, speaking often)
for this final chapter of her life......

It feels much too soon, 
this sudden departure, not even sixty-two,
just like our brother, who went as suddenly
at almost the same age, so many years ago.

Memories: from long ago, and from the recent past.
From being the youngest of three siblings, to having none.
Two families with only a single parent left in each.
A three year old looking for his grandmother all over her house.
A four month old who never ever knew his grandfather
But both of them live on in our thoughts, in our lives, and in our memories......


30in2005 said...

Oh my goodness, that sounds devastating and unexpected in every way. Lots of strength is coming your way - give yourself time to grieve and keep her memory alive. This piece is a wonderful homage to your sibling. Lots of love.

The Bride said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. Your relationship with your sister sounds like mine so I can only imagine your heartbreak. Take care.

dipali said...

@30in2005: Thank you. I think it was the complete lack of any kind of warning that is most devastating. We are consoling ourselves with the thought that she didn't suffer.
@The Bride:I suppose that relationships with siblings are complicated by their very nature! But not having her around in this world so suddenly and so soon is not something one had ever imagined.

A said...

Very sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you find strength to hold yourself together. Take care. Arpita

p.s- I am a silent follower of your blog.

Banno said...


Lots and lots of love, prayers, hugs.

dipali said...

@Arpita, Banno : Thank you.

Trish said...

oh my God,Di..lots of love and strength coming your way.. your relationship sounds so much like the one I share with my sister..only I am the older one..
No other words, just lots of hugs.

dipali said...

@ Trishna: Thank you.

Bong Mom said...

So sorry to hear of your loss Dipali. Take care and a tight hug

dipali said...

@Bong Mom: Thank you. It still feels so unreal.

Kavs said...

Big hugs to sorry for your loss. :(

dipali said...

@Kavs: Thank you.

Anonymous said...

My sister and I are very close. Can well imagine what you are going thru.

A Muser said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Dipali. It must have been a big shock. Hugs to you.