The quantum of dinner conversation with the SRE can vary from zero levels, when he is either preoccupied with his own thoughts and/or with the TV across the room, (when the devoted spouse is supposed to guess when he needs another chapati, and has, over the years, learned to imitate his gestures towards the water bottle) or to actual conversational levels. The topic of conversation can range from the ridiculous to the sublime, but definitely tends more towards the former! Dinner last night was a case in point. The younger son, a friend of his, my sister, the SRE and I were at the table. My sister and I were polishing off the remains of the delicious yellow pumpkin that my sister had made at lunchtime. Now, this is a pumpkin with many desi names- my extended family calls it 'kaashiphal', a lot of people call it 'seetaphal', some call it kumhda.To the SRE, however, it exists only as 'kaddu', and is, for some inexplicable reason, a vegetable he will not deign to eat. Yesterday's dinner had a couple of his and the boys' favourite preparations, apart from the unfortunate pumpkin which became the focus of a metaphysical discourse.
The SRE planned to ask God, whenever he met him, why he had created the pumpkin in the first place. Then he felt that God must have issued a sub-contract for its creation to some minor godling. He could understand God making many different vegetables and fruit, even bitter stuff like karela (which he doesn't eat either, but accepts as having valuable medicinal properties), but kaddu- no way. He then started on Hindi idioms which aren't kind to the poor pumpkin either- calling someone a kaddu is most certainly insulting his intelligence. "Kaddu mein teer maarna" is no great achievement either. Poor kaddu. To add insult to injury the SRE also sometimes refers to lauki (vegetable marrow) as kaddu, adding to the confusion.
I really feel like apologising to the poor pumpkin for serving it in the SRE's presence!
There,there, Kadduji- I really do like you. You are not a waste of space. You have many good qualities, besides being delicious. What do you say, gentle readers?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
An Evening's Enchantment
Sunday evening saw us at Gyaan Manch, for a performance called "The Pebble and the Taal Tree" by The Action Players. They did several short plays based on stories by the Bengali author Bonophool. Since many of the performers are hearing and speech impaired, the plays are a wonderful combination of mime, narration, music and dance.
A Google search revealed an excellent post on The Action Players by DGS in Benares. I quote part of this very informative article:
A Google search revealed an excellent post on The Action Players by DGS in Benares. I quote part of this very informative article:
"Begun by an American-trained mime artist, Zarin Chaudhary, over 20 years ago, the group is composed of deaf students from around Calcutta. They perform adaptations of Bengali and Hindi plays, as well as poetry and folk tales. They were in the midst of an adaptation of a set of Bengali short stories when I dropped in on them a few weeks ago.
The group is made up of mostly 17 to 25-year-olds, many of whom are veterans of the school for the deaf in which the group is hosted, and where Chaudhari initially taught mime years back (she still teaches mime in and around Calcutta at other schools). The group grew out of Chaudhari’s classes, giving very dedicated students a chance to perform their mime pieces for a formal audience."
"The Pebble and the Taal Tree" was a wonderful experience. From the elegant simplicity of the sets, lights and costumes, the wonderful live music, to the impeccable narration, it was flawless. The actors were the most expressive performers we had ever seen. Our engagement with the performance was total. Some of the stories were tragic. A couple of the funny ones, like "Jagattarini and the crow" and "About Parul" had the audience in splits. What was most wonderful was after the show was over- the players came and sat on the edge of the stage, and the audience was invited to meet them. Since the Players had given us so much joy, telling them how much we had had enjoyed the show was the least we could do.
There are two more performances scheduled: one is on Saturday, 16th January, and the next is on Friday the 22nd. Tickets are available at the School of Music, and at the venue (Gyaan Manch) on the days of the shows. Readers in Kolkata, do try and see this wonderful troupe.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
A prayer from a friend
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly
where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith in yourself and others.. May you use the gifts
that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself just the way you are.. Let this
knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to
sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of
us..
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Home/Hospital
We are at home, all of us, but my parents' room is becoming more and more hospital like. That started with the hospital bed I had to rent for my mother even before her discharge from the hospital last month, as her mental state rendered her unsafe in a bed without railings. It is incredibly sad to see her struggle to get up because she wants to go to the bathroom, something she has done without thought for most of her life, and which is now not possible for her to do. She has no memory of her fall or her surgery, and my beautiful mother is now a blank-eyed stranger, most of the time. She does recognise us, and at times is fairly lucid- when I told her it was Daddy's birthday on the 26th of last month, she immediately responded by saying 'Happy Birthday'. She was happy to meet my sister-in-law and my nephew, and spoke to them in English. But now she mostly lives in a world which is alien to us all. I have felt overwhelming rage at seeing her in this state- at her (most unfairly, I know), at myself, at the One above. Rage and frustration and grief at my utter helplessness in the situation we all find ourselves in. I can only imagine my father's sorrow. He tries to talk to her, sits next to her bed in his high chair and holds her hand, yet it doesn't seem to register. Because of her bed sore (which is much better now) I did get an air pressure mattress. I also had to employ a night home nurse for her. And then, after a couple of weeks in which Daddy's home nurse thought she could manage two patients single-handedly, but couldn't, we now have a second nurse in the day time. I had been hoping that Lakshmi could manage on her own just so as to not have another person crowding up the room, but I am finding that having Kalpana around makes life much easier for everyone. Daddy is not too pleased at having all these women floating in and out of his room. We joke, though, that he has KLM, an entire airline, in attendance! (The night nurse is Maya). Besides their wages, the home nurses all have a meal and a couple of rounds of tea and a snack in my home, so I need to make sure I have enough vegetables, dal, rice and bread available at all times.
To add to our woes, my father hasn't been at all well this week. He's now on antibiotics, steroids and has to use a nebuliser six times a day, as he has been wheezing most evenings. He's a lot better since he started the treatment, which is a relief.
I don't think I can let my sister return to Delhi anytime soon.
To add to our woes, my father hasn't been at all well this week. He's now on antibiotics, steroids and has to use a nebuliser six times a day, as he has been wheezing most evenings. He's a lot better since he started the treatment, which is a relief.
I don't think I can let my sister return to Delhi anytime soon.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Inflation and the SRE
The SRE often reminds me of royalty. I'd read once, long ago, that the Queen of England never handles money. She never needs to, apparently- there are always ladies-in-waiting around to shell out the cash, and merchants are probably thrilled to give her stuff and then put up signs saying 'By Appointment to Her Majesty the Queen'. Well, the SRE hardly uses cash, apart from what he gives his caddy, and the occasional tip when he travels out of town. He does use a credit card, usually for buying books,CDs and clothes. And since he never needs to check whether or not he has sufficient cash in his wallet to pay for them, he tends to buy what he wants to buy regardless of the price. He is, however, not at all familiar with the prices of many of the other things that are used in the house. At times he expresses shock and horror at the total monthly outgoings, but is routinely shot down for not knowing the price of anything.
While my mother was in hospital, however, our household routines were quite disturbed. The SRE bought a dozen oranges for me to take to the hospital, and was horrified to pay Rs 140/- for them. (They also happened to be the biggest and most expensive oranges at a shop in an expensive residential area, but at times convenience does rule). That was bad enough. A day or so later he realised that his razor blade needed replacing. For some years now he has being using Gillette Mach 3 blades, which are really expensive but do last for a long time. He had, however, never bought them himself. When he finally did, he was so horrified at the price that although he has bought a pack and kept them in our bathroom he can't bring himself to actually use one! He now claims that he is like the traditionally scroogy bania who would just hold out his roti near the ghee tin, and feel happy that the ghee wasn't getting over. So he simply looks at the packet of new blades, and has a perfectly good shave with the old one!
Methinks the new year deserves a new blade. I pray that I can continue to do the regular shopping so that the SRE, the most generous man I know, can shave in peace! Happy New Year 2010.
This is especially for M, my eldest child, who wanted a happy post for the New Year.
While my mother was in hospital, however, our household routines were quite disturbed. The SRE bought a dozen oranges for me to take to the hospital, and was horrified to pay Rs 140/- for them. (They also happened to be the biggest and most expensive oranges at a shop in an expensive residential area, but at times convenience does rule). That was bad enough. A day or so later he realised that his razor blade needed replacing. For some years now he has being using Gillette Mach 3 blades, which are really expensive but do last for a long time. He had, however, never bought them himself. When he finally did, he was so horrified at the price that although he has bought a pack and kept them in our bathroom he can't bring himself to actually use one! He now claims that he is like the traditionally scroogy bania who would just hold out his roti near the ghee tin, and feel happy that the ghee wasn't getting over. So he simply looks at the packet of new blades, and has a perfectly good shave with the old one!
Methinks the new year deserves a new blade. I pray that I can continue to do the regular shopping so that the SRE, the most generous man I know, can shave in peace! Happy New Year 2010.
This is especially for M, my eldest child, who wanted a happy post for the New Year.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas 2009
Although it has been a really hard month for all of us here with my mother not showing any major progress since her return from hospital, we did have a wonderful Christmas with much of the family with us here in Kolkata- both my sons, my sister and her daughter, my sister-in-law and her younger son. We decided that having a good Christmas dinner together was the best way to keep us all cheerful. We did have a lovely time together.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Beyond Biology- broadening the concept of parenting
Given that for many people today, becoming a parent is no longer an inevitable consequence of marriage, we need to widen our definition of a parent as a person who brings up a child, whether or not she/he is the biological parent.
Giving birth to a child is generally perceived to be the ultimate fulfillment for a woman, and there is still a social stigma attached to one who either voluntarily or involuntarily does not produce a child. Even if a couple chooses to not produce a child, for whatever reason, there is still often a lot of explaining to do and various pressures to face.
Those who wish to have a child and are unable to do so are subjected to tremendous pressures, both in the traditional mould ( being advised to visit various holy places, wear amulets, perform certain rituals etc.) and the modern. Reproductive technology is, no doubt, a worthy field with valuable research and tremendous scientific breakthroughs.
But it often increases the desperation of women who feel that they must conceive, at whatever the emotional and financial cost. Very often, assisted reproduction techniques require more than one attempt, each of which is often very expensive. Repeated failures can become even more soul-destroying for a woman who has set her heart on bearing a child. Such women must be made to understand that if biological motherhood is not an available option, it does not necessarily mean that they cannot experience the joys of motherhood- adoption has to be treated as an available, desirable option. We need to lay less stress upon the biological origin of the child vis-à-vis the way in which he or she is brought up, and our society at large needs to be sensitized towards the needs of both the adopter and the adoptee- the process of adoption needs to be perceived to be as normal a way of having a child as physically producing one. The fundamental message to all those who desire to have a child is that bringing up a child is of far more importance than producing a child. Also, you don’t necessarily have to produce the child you bring up. A more all-encompassing view of children is needed- not just as belonging to a mother and/or father or family, (therefore they are also ‘belongings’ or possessions of that family, and often valued as such-as an investment to be nurtured for future returns), but as members of the larger community. A world view of “our” children, in the larger sense of the word, vis-à-vis ‘my’ child, needs to be promoted.
This, in turn, leads to the question of the sharing of resources that are often limited.
An ethic encompassing caring for and sharing with others needs to be inculcated.
Each child can, and does, in his own unique way, enrich the lives of those who share their lives with him.
PS: I'd written this a long time ago. Reading this inspired me to post.
Giving birth to a child is generally perceived to be the ultimate fulfillment for a woman, and there is still a social stigma attached to one who either voluntarily or involuntarily does not produce a child. Even if a couple chooses to not produce a child, for whatever reason, there is still often a lot of explaining to do and various pressures to face.
Those who wish to have a child and are unable to do so are subjected to tremendous pressures, both in the traditional mould ( being advised to visit various holy places, wear amulets, perform certain rituals etc.) and the modern. Reproductive technology is, no doubt, a worthy field with valuable research and tremendous scientific breakthroughs.
But it often increases the desperation of women who feel that they must conceive, at whatever the emotional and financial cost. Very often, assisted reproduction techniques require more than one attempt, each of which is often very expensive. Repeated failures can become even more soul-destroying for a woman who has set her heart on bearing a child. Such women must be made to understand that if biological motherhood is not an available option, it does not necessarily mean that they cannot experience the joys of motherhood- adoption has to be treated as an available, desirable option. We need to lay less stress upon the biological origin of the child vis-à-vis the way in which he or she is brought up, and our society at large needs to be sensitized towards the needs of both the adopter and the adoptee- the process of adoption needs to be perceived to be as normal a way of having a child as physically producing one. The fundamental message to all those who desire to have a child is that bringing up a child is of far more importance than producing a child. Also, you don’t necessarily have to produce the child you bring up. A more all-encompassing view of children is needed- not just as belonging to a mother and/or father or family, (therefore they are also ‘belongings’ or possessions of that family, and often valued as such-as an investment to be nurtured for future returns), but as members of the larger community. A world view of “our” children, in the larger sense of the word, vis-à-vis ‘my’ child, needs to be promoted.
This, in turn, leads to the question of the sharing of resources that are often limited.
An ethic encompassing caring for and sharing with others needs to be inculcated.
Each child can, and does, in his own unique way, enrich the lives of those who share their lives with him.
PS: I'd written this a long time ago. Reading this inspired me to post.
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