Monday, May 23, 2011

Lessons from mommyhood!

The Bride tagged me to write about ‘what mommyhood has taught me’.

The tag:

It’s been a while since us Mommybloggers came up with something to celebrate, well, mommyhood, so the lovely Monika and I came up with this. A tag that has us list out five lessons of life that Mommyhood has taught us, these could be sweet, bitter, funny, touching, whatever. These could be survival tips or cooking tips, or something as simple as the best thing to get puke smell out of hair.

So, the rules are simple. Put the badge up. Write out five lessons that Mommyhood taught you. And tag five mommybloggers.

It's kind of hard to believe that my kids were ever babies, but of course they were, decades ago.
So, as requested, I'll try and share my perspective as a mother of grown up kids.

1. If marriage helps knock your ego into a more streamlined shape, having kids gives it the kind of hammering it may never recover from!
When they are tiny, these wordless, utterly dependent creatures teach you to put another person's needs first. You may be dying of lack of sleep, of hunger or thirst, or even just to go to the loo, but it is possible to fulfill your needs only when the baby lets you.
You want to protect them from hurt and injury, but you can't always do that. It is easier to console the child with a scraped knee or the one who needs thirteen stitches in his chin than the one with a broken heart. You still do whatever you can to help them heal, even if it doesn't really seem to help. And you still ache for them. If they are far away from you and ill or miserable, your helplessness and grief knows no bounds. I think that even if you are an atheist or agnostic, having a child will often times see you praying with all your might for the child's well being.

2. They can teach you so much about their world, and enlarge yours exponentially. Listen to them talk.......
I know that I wouldn't be blogging, or listening to Sufi music, or aware of Latin American literature, or have some absolutely silly jokes in my head that make me smile whenever I think of them, if it wasn't for my kids. What you receive from them is priceless- love, affection, tremendous support during difficult times, endless demands, hungry friends......
A variety of experiences that enrich your life in unimaginable ways. Yes, my older son and his friends actually helped us sneak into an Abida Parveen concert!

3. They enlarge your circle of relationships as they find love and significant others of their own.
The family enlarges to include their loved ones and their families too.
Having kids does sensitize you to other children- you grieve and worry for the child's friend who had an accident, or is ill, or whose parent is ill, or even for the random children you read about in the newspapers.

4. They reassure you immensely sometimes that you brought them up more or less okay!
When I saw the tenderness with which my kids spoke to their ailing grandparents, it was like a warm soft blanket around my heart! Whenever they do well in life, it feels wonderful, far more than an achievement of one's own.

5. When they fight or disagree with each other or hurt each other, as siblings inevitably do sometimes, it really breaks your heart. You can't play favourites, and you can see each child's perspective, and you are utterly helpless till they ride it out and are friends again.

6. One extra, bonus lesson: Insanity is inherited: you can get it from your children!

The five moms I tag are:
1. Yasmeen, who is my contemporary and can tell you about being a mom to her two lovely grown up daughters.
2. Yashodhara, who has twin baby boys and one very lady like young daughter.
3. Mona, whose pre-school daughter and toddler son keep her really busy.
4. Surabhi, who is the mother of the delightful Sanah.
5. Nitya, whose son Arjun is a delight, with his own unique perspective on life, the universe and everything!


Nat said...

I've always ALWAYS wanted to know what your experiences and thoughts were like since you are done with the stages we are at now so thanks...this was a complete, good read. I think your kids were blessed to have you as their mom. I've wished I was a neighbour or living close by to you so many times just wanting to know your take on many issues.

R's Mom said...

Wow I learnt a LOT! thanks :)

Itchingtowrite said...

loved these thanks

Itchingtowrite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dipka said...

very very nice post.

I've moved to wordpress and dropped the Mumbai Diva bit. It's simply Dipika now :)do drop by.

Hip Grandma said...

The bonus lesson was the best. Retrogressive evolution I must say. And when each of your grown up children have different views one feels like pulling out every hair in the head. One's own hair I mean.

BTW, I've borrowed your blog name for my latest post. Hope it is okay with you.

SUR NOTES said...

Will take me some time to take this up, my saturday night fever has discoed on until wednesday, and i am working like a dog. i could try and drum up some more 70s songs to describe my behaal state but yeh dastaan badi boring hai.

nitya said...

Tag done, Dipali.
Enjoyed reading your experiences!

Neera said...

Very very sweet Dipali ..lovely to read about your experiences! :)

yasmeen sait said...

Love your experiences.

dipali said...

@Nat: Thank you. Sorry I took so long to reply. You are never done, the issues just keep changing!
@R's Mom: Thank you!
@Itchy: Thanks.
@Dipika: Thanks,it's good to have you back!
@HHG: You bet! Yes, I loved your last post, since I'm in the same boat too. No issues at all with the post title!
@SUR NOTES: Get well soon. Awaiting your post: jo mazaa intezaar mein hai etc.!
@Nitya: Loved your post!
@Neera: Thank you.
@Yasmeen: Thanks, I loved your post too!