Tuesday, January 15, 2013

One year ago

Last January I had the privilege of hosting Akatha Kahani at my home, on two days, the 14th and 16th of January. It's been a chock-a-block kind of year, with much joy and some grief, and one of the major joys was meeting and spending time with the Akatha Kahani team of Jaya Madhavan, Bindhumalini, and Archana . I was happy to meet Jaya again when I visited Chennai briefly last February. Bindhu delighted me by bringing out her CD 'Suno Bhai', as well as putting to music a Kabir song that has become a signature tune of hers, 'Nachu Re'. She was also here in November, and we were able to spend a delightful evening together. Archana will be getting married a few short days from now, and even though I won't be able to make it for the wedding, she has all my good wishes for a long and happy wedded life. Keep dancing, Archana!
I cannot remember these three wonderful women without remembering my blogfriend Peccavi who was the catalyst in getting us all together. I hope I get to meet you sometime soon, Peccavi. I will always be grateful to you for the joy, warmth and friendship I share with Jaya, Bindhu and Archana.

All good wishes to Akatha Kahani- may you grow from strength to strength.
You can visit Akatha Kahani on Facebook, here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Akatha-Kahani/275198312535599?ref=ts&fref=ts

Friday, January 11, 2013

Village Vignettes

I feel in love with this little chap when we visited his village (near Kanha National Park) last October.


The Gond villagers paint their houses sky blue, apparently in honour of Lord Shiva's throat (Neelkanth) as well as to repel insects.


I loved this ingenious storage space for firewood, under the overhanging eaves of the house.

We were walking back to the resort when there was a strange sound- an onrush of tinkling bells. For the very first time I experienced the magic of what I'd often read about- Godhuli, the cowdust hour.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Owl banana

No, nothing to do with bananas! This is a Hindi / English khichdi phrase used by my younger son to great comic effect.
The first time I heard this was some years ago when I'd gone to a wholesale store and bought a 1 litre bottle of my favourite green apple shampoo. Since the bottle proved to be too unwieldy to use conveniently, I poured some into an empty shampoo bottle in my bathroom, and forgot all about it.
A few days later, on a visit home from the college hostel, the son deigns to bathe in our bathroom. He emerges a while later, not too pleased with life. He accosts me, saying Aapney mujhe owl banaaya.
I ask him how, and he brings out the bottle of Head and Shoulders Shampoo, which now contains Biotique Green Apple!!!!!

There's an interesting cultural divide here- in the West the owl is meant to be wise, but in India, although it is venerated as the Goddess Lakshmi's mount, in colloquial Hindi at least, it is considered to be a foolish creature.

Somehow, the son's phrase became part of the family's idiom, as in Aap mujhe owl toh nahin banana chaah rahey hain? ('You are not wanting/trying to make an owl out of me'? it certainly sounds better in Hindi)!

We were returning to Kolkata from Raipur last month, from the brand new airport terminal there. (When we had visited my Chacha in Bhilai last October, the terminal had not yet been inaugurated). We were taking the Indigo flight back to Kolkata on Christmas evening. While booking the tickets, our seats had also been reserved, two adjacent seats (13 B & C) in the emergency exit row, which we prefer for the added leg space. These are seats we often have pre-booked. In many years of flying, we have never yet had to face an emergency in the air, thank God. The girl at the counter, however, was definitely trying to make owls out of us, because as she checked us in, she told us that it would be better if we changed our seats, as the emergency exit door weighed about thirty kilograms, and apparently both of us looked too old/frail to be able to handle that kind of weight. This ridiculous statement was supported a young male Indigo employee, who suggested that the aeroplane crew was likely to change our seats in any case. At which point the SRE lost his temper. One growl from him and the two employees quaked in their shoes, put priority tags on our luggage, and handed us our boarding passes. After we stopped fuming, we were most amused, because in any case it is only the persons in seats A & F who actually access the emergency exit doors. When we finally boarded the plane, our co-passenger in Seat 13 A was a small built Chinese gentleman.  (The SRE asked him where he was from). And the weight of the door, in clear red letters said, 33lbs!!!!
Someone had certainly tried making owls out of us!


The beautiful tribal figures at Raipur Airport.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

My foot and I


My feet and I have not been the best of friends, especially in recent years.
As a young child I had to walk on tiptoe and on the sides of my feet to correct a tendency to flat feet.
As a teenager my vanity took a beating as my feet relentlessly took on the shape of my father's feet- broad and knobbly, not at all like my mother's slender ones. I would often express my frustration to my poor father, who listened to me with his characteristic good humour, and then comforted me with the fact that they were servicable feet that allowed me to walk and run, and were therefore a blessing to be counted!
It was cold comfort, though, when every shoe salesman in the world would tell me that I had broad feet. As if I didn't know that.....
Buying pretty footwear was Mission Almost Impossible. 
All sneakers would soon develop a hole where the bone protruded, and would hence look shabby way before they should have.
I most certainly did not have Happy Feet.

Little did I know......


In October 2008, while visiting Australia, I realised that I could not wear the comfortable slippers I had recently bought from Bata (my all time favourite shoe shop- they always have something I can wear) - the toe-post caused excruciating pain between my right big toe and its neighbour. That's when the neighbour slowly started rising from its normal position, and over the next couple of years it had climbed onto the big toe, making most footwear uncomfortable. I still used to walk a lot, without discomfort, until late 2010. An hour long walk in Cairo (in comfortable Scholls) left my feet in agony My local orthopedic surgeon told me I had metatarsalgia, and advised shoes with metatarsal bar supports, which were fitted into my Scholls by an orthotics supplier. They were painful to wear,  and my feet hurt after walking for more than 30-40 minutes. And the toe was still rising. Finally, last August, my older daughter took me to her orthopedic surgeon, who has been a fixture in our family for 16-17 years, and he advised me to have surgery. The next visit was scheduled, arrangements made for the SRE, the part time help, who would prepare dinner for him, and run the household as best as she could, and, of course, the house key! My neighbour was recruited for this important task, of letting the maid into the house. Thanks to the ubiquity of cell phones, I could inform my help when the SRE was travelling, and when the son would be around. There was also an inter-state crisis, later, while I was post-operative, when the SRE called up from Mumbai Airport, telling me that he had had several loose motions that morning. I asked him to ask the air hostess for Imodium. The maid was phoned and asked to make thin khichdi for him, the driver was phoned and asked to buy bananas, and the younger son asked to stay home that night and look after his father. The SRE recovered soon enough, with all these remote-controlled ministrations, and next morning found him cooking breakfast for the visiting son and friends!)

Anyway, I had the surgery in early September, resting at the older daughter's home, and having the dressing changed every second day.You can see the tip of the inserted pin at the top of the second toe in the second photo. The pin was removed shortly before I left for home. I was allowed to walk, and felt very proud of myself for every round of the colony compound!

Although the stitches had healed well, and I was continuing to foment the foot in hot saline solution and having hot wax treatments, the toe remained elevated. On the next visit to Delhi, two months after the operation, the doctor gave me heavy sedation and did something drastic to the toe, externally, to free the joint. That was really painful, as was my left arm, which was all swollen after the intravenous injection. (Strange, because I was also given an IV shot in my right hand, which remained normal)!

After all this, though, the toe still tends to float. My right footprint shows four toes instead of five- I wonder if I'm a four-toed sloth bear or some such creature.  And so it is now being tied into position, with a dinky little knot pressing down on it. (See above)
As Footji is still a little swollen, I live in floaters- which I even wear with (gasps of horror)  sarees.
I hope that I am able to wear all my sandals and shoes eventually, even though my girls call most of them 'dhup-dhups', since they weren't particularly elegant or pretty to start with.

Godji and Footji, I have got the message. I am grateful for the feet I have, promise.
My dear feet, please, please behave and remain serviceable and walkable.

Edited to add: Since I'm posting such intimate details about Footji, here's another pic., of Footji having hot wax therapy!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

To 2013

May you be a good year
for this world of ours,
and our country
which has known grief and rage
unprecedented, last month

May these translate
into a better world.

May the souls of those
we lost last year
find peace, the youngsters
who met untimely ends.

May those that grieve
for them find peace.

We lost a member of our family,
A young man of thirty.
Survived by both his grandmothers,
parents, brother, many cousins,
uncles and aunts,
many friends,
All devastated by this sudden, cruel loss.
May his young toddler
be the light of his mother's life,
and help her assuage her grief,
and find a focus for her life.
Preserve memories of this young man
for when his child grows up,
so that he can know him.......

Three weddings,
three new partnerships forged
in 2012, in our family.
May you all be blessed
with love, respect, understanding,
good health, peace and prosperity,
and compassion.


May the year be good,
unexciting, humdrum,
no particular news,
no ecstacy,
no despair.
Be a moderate, peaceful
positive New Year!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

November disappeared

with just a single post from my keyboard. There were two weddings in the family, both of which meant being away from home for much of the month. There was more manipulation of the operated toe, which, perhaps, deserves a post of its own! What was really amazing was the solidarity of our family, and the joy of meeting old and new friends. Totally enriching, this November!

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Book Review: Another Man's Wife

Manjul Bajaj's collection of nine short stories is a worthy successor to her debut novel, Come, Before Evening Falls. She takes you across the country, from Bengal, to Delhi, Himachal Pradesh, Punjab, Goa, Uttar Pradesh, Kashmir, Chennai and Gujarat. Each story is peopled with wholly believable characters, reflecting aspects of contemporary Indian life, as well as some eternal truths.
As always, her wealth of knowledge of topics as varied as the technicalities of Kathak, varieties of mangoes, jazz , agriculture, chikan embroidery, self-help groups, and tribal culture and traditions,  adds immensely to the richness of the narrative tapestry she weaves.

The first story, Ripe Mangoes, tells a tale of betrayals of love and relationships, as well as the acceptance of these betrayals. A married woman, much to the chagrin of her adoloescent daughter, sleeps with her children's resident tutor. The truth of their relationship, and that of the narrator and her husband, is an eye-opener.

Crossed Borders tells the familiar story of a household servant murdering his employer and his family, for a reason that is wholly plausible. It seems like a trivial reason, but he is realistic enough to know that nothing will remain the same, and he has to take the  salary owing to him, a huge sum for him, and leave. Things go horribly wrong, and he has four deaths on his hands. The story of his escape and subsequent redemption is grippingly told.

The Birthmark underscores the tragedy of sex determination in the state of Punjab, and how a stray 'birthmark' changes the course of events for Bhushan's family, particularly for his wife, their erstwhile servant, Ulsha Minj, who has been 'imported' from her native Jharkhand.
Where had Bhushan got her? From the cattle market in neighbouring Haryana. He had bought her outright, he said, with the money they got from the sale of the buffaloes. They needed a woman around the house desperately.  Bhushan's mother tries to ensure that Ulsha Minj aborts her female foetus, but fate has other plans. The story ends on a positive, heart-warming note.

Me and Sammy Fernandez is a tragic story of a love soured by suspicion, violence, and bloodshed. The narrator, Cory Dinshaw, has been an ardent fan of Amethyst Fernandez, a famous Goan singer, and is shocked by her suicide. Her son, Sammy, is also a singer, and Cory falls in love with him. It is a difficult situation, as her parents, particularly her father, are loath to have her mary a non-Parsi. Marriage, however, changes things between them. There should be a rule against letting lovers marry. It's like allowing the blind to walk the tightrope. Or taking fish out of water and asking them to swim. Or asking HIV positive men to donate sperm. Reckless. Irresponsible. Doomed from the word go. The very first night of their married life, Cory sees Sammy's brutal, paranoid behaviour. Cory finds it hard to leave this marriage, though. First there were my parents.......Before I could apologize and tell them I had been wrong in marrying Sammy, they apologized and told me they had been wrong is opposing my marriage......Then there was Sammy's dad. I felt responsible for him.......But most of all there was Sammy and me- the glorious mess of us....... The final truth is I never left because, though I was eventually cured of my love for the son, I never quite got over the mother.

Marrying Nusrat tells the story of a the impact an outsider has on the life of a sleepy UP village, and the fascination the narrator, an adolescent boy, feels for her. Nusrat's interaction with Yakhni Begum, the 'official' sarpanch of the village, begins with the old lady aiming a slipper at her.
Nusrat had caught it deftly and stood there gazing at it, appraising it from all angles, insouciantly humming a tune all the while. Then she shook her head and sighed. 'I really don't know what the angel would have made of this offering of yours, badi ammi.'  The old lady throws a second slipper at Nusrat. And Nusrat had caught it deftly yet again and grinned happily. 'Ahha! Now this is much better. Two slippers I know what to do with.'  Nusrat charms the old lady with her story of the angel and the gift of  "chakeen", and before she leaves that afternoon sets up a meeting of all the women in the village the following week, in order to establish a chikan-work cooperative. There is, of course, much resistance from the menfolk, especially from Yakhni Begum's son, Jameel, the de facto sarpanch, but the old lady gets her own way. How Nusrat helps establish the cooperative is told in fascinating detail, including what the narrator thinks is a 'pyaare', which turns out to be a PRA, a Participatory Rural Appraisal!  The author is poetic in her description of chikan work: Chikan had a whole language of its own-of butis, motifs of elephants, fishes, birds and lotuses, and bels, creeper patterns named after jasmine and roses and other vines and jallis, trellises of various kinds created with a delicate parting of the warp and weft of the muslin to reveal a finely patterned mesh. Nusrat's marriage to a Stockholm based groom leads to her leaving her job. However, fate has other plans............

The Deepavali Gift narrates how wealth and its appurtenances can shackle the lives of its owners.
What was it about this house? The whitewashed exteriors, the large high-ceilinged rooms, the spacious verandahs on all four sides, the neat, well-appointed lawns, the vast stretches of kitchen gardens and fruit trees, its boundary wall located too far away to see with the naked eye- all spoke of a cool detachment. Yet it clung heatedly to its daughters like a jealous mother. The protagonist, Jujube, finds herself trapped by the often trivial decisions she is forced to make: The sensation of being trapped inside a pettiness not of my own making overwhelmed me. Those mugs, these cups, how did any of it matter? Surely I deserved bigger battles than this? Her trusted major domo, Jugal, asks her to make the Diwali list Each year every member of the staff and their families got a Diwali gift, handpicked by me. Jugal, Pratap Singh, Maya. These were the inner circle. Then the head gardener. Plus Sarita's driver...... Munni. The new girl who came in to help Munni with the dusting and beds. The younger mali and his family........The outside sweeper..........The woman who cleaned the inside of the house. And the other woman who came to do the dishes...........I had mastered the complex socio-political realities of the minefield called the servant quarters, and gave the task the careful attention it required. Jujube wonders about what to get for her orphaned niece, Sarita, who lives with her. Her gift is a shocker, but is ultimately a wonderful gift indeed!!!!!

 'Under a Moonlit Sky' is the name of a houseboat on the Dal Lake, where the honeymooners Rohini and Venkat are well taken care of by Bakhtiar and Mehjabeen., who run the houseboat together. On learning that Rohini and Venkat have had a love marriage, Mehjabeen is enchanted, and feels that this is a bond between the couples, for she and Bakhtiar have also had a love marriage. For the next five days the two couples gravitated towards each other. Every night the discussion inevitably veered to Love........Bakhtiar brought to the love stories such an urgency that it did not seem as if they were long-gone legendary lovers that they were talking about.........Back in the real world after the brief honeymoon, Rohini found out that in more routine circumstances love didn't blossom and flower as naturally as it did in Srinagar in springtime.........It needed careful tending and constant watering to be kept alive. Although they live in their own company apartment, and not with Venkat's parents, coping with Venkat's mother turned out to be tougher than anything Rohini could have envisaged.......The harder Rohini tried to adapt, the less she seemed to measure up in his parents' eyes, his mother vocal in her criticism, his father remote in his coldness. Venkat does his best to keep her happy, and they do have happy times, but Rohini's inability to conceive adds greatly to their stress. Rohini does send Mehjebeen a photograph on every anniversary, of something beautiful in her life. In the meantime, the turmoil in Kashmir has greatly affected normal life there, and Bakhtiar finds himself estranged from Mehjabeen owing to a newly adopted, highly unethical business practice. Although they have two beautiful children, Mehjabeen is heartsick.......The shared memories of the two couples, however, lead to an unusual denouement.

Lottery Ticket talks of the aspirations and the reality of a middle-class family in Delhi, in the North Campus/ Kamla Nagar region.The needs of the younger generation here are opposed to  the needs of the older generation,  and this turmoil is perceived differntly by different members of the same family. Ravinder and his wife Sukrita both teach in the university, while his mother has been running a dhaba from her home in Kamla Nagar ever since she was widowed, several years ago. That property is now extremely valuable, and selling it would help finance their brilliant daughter Shreya's higher education abroad. Sukrita has seen some retirement homes that she feels would be suitable for her mother-in-law.  Manjul brings poetry even to the description of a domestic spat: He had managed to get hold of the stale toast brittleness in his voice and spread a layer of sour sarcasm over it. Sukrita knows that she and her mother-in-law have totally different views on something as basic as food: In Biji's universe food was a cultural construct, a measure of civilization; a deeply moral and complex ethics underlay the preparing and sharing of it. For Sukrita food was fuel, something to keep the body going- nothing else. Two value systems as disparate as hers and Biji's could not share one kitchen without bloodshed and grief. Shreya's brother Ronish is one of the most interesting and appealing young characters I have come across in recent times.The flapping of a butterfly's wings in Brazil could cause a tsunami in China. Ravinder had spent an entire weekend talking to Ronish about the butterfly effect after the Class 10 boards, hoping to enthuse him about chaos theory and the possibility of a career in the sciences.........Ronish didn't want to study the effects of the flapping of a butterfly's wings. He wanted to be the weather changer. A beautiful story of love, relationships, and the tensions within a family.


I'm not at all sure of how to bring to you the essence of the title story in this collection, Another Man's Wife. It begins with a beautiful narration of tribal life, wherein Kuheli, who has recently come to the village after her grandfather's death, marks Devji, the most eligible young man of the community, as her own.  His friend Goku's cousin, she was a newcomer  to the village, sent here to her mother's relatives when her grandfather died and there was no one to look after her. The grandfather was an old badava, a tribal medicine man and a famous diviner of water. The girl and her grandfather had lived together, all by themselves, in the depths of the reserve forest flanked by the Sahyadri mountains on one side and the Amnbika river on the other, emerging only when summoned by villagers for important feasts and consultations. Manjul's descriptions of tribal life and customs are lyrical. The seasons come and go, impacting their lives greatly. Hunger was a habit they could all begin to unlearn now, if the rains continued to live up to their early promise. In the last few months even the game and fruit from the forests had begun to decline as the monsoon failed for the third year in a row.
A major disaster strikes when the government decides to evacuate the village, along with several others, to facilitate the construction of a dam. Compensation for the proposed displacement had been distributed a few years ago, when the land was surveyed. No one had told Devji's father or the other villagers that the electricity and irrigation water from the dam wasn't meant for them. Or that their lands were going to be submerged by it. The sufferings of the displaced were immense. The only work available for them is manual labour. The children suffered terribly, for both Kuheli and Devji had to work at the canal site, where they were engaged in digging out the earth on the canals which were being relined. Their five-year old, Nanlo had to fetch the day's drinking water, feed Babla and himself the food Kuheli cooked and left behind for them, tend to their three remaining hens, safeguard their belongings and protect himself and Babla from bullying and attacks by older boys and no-good drunken perverts. After Nanlo falls seriously ill, Kuheli goes back to their old home to seek a solution to their problems, and is utterly distraught at seeing the destruction of their beloved forests. But her grandfather's words come back to her: There is always a way through the darkest forest, train your eyes so they can see.  The solution, however, brings an even more devastating situation in its wake. One of the local contractors, Dhansukh Bhai, decides that he has to have her............. How does the disempowered family deal with this, when their very survival is at stake? Kuheli's courage and her ability to keep her family's welfare as her sole priority make for a riveting story.


The Amrita Sher-Gil painting on the cover adds to the elegance of this remarkable collection, which is totally contemporary and often subversive. The elegance of her writing and the strength of the narration makes this a book to dip into time and again.

Another Man's Wife, by Manjul Bajaj, 2012
Publisher: Hachette India